Those who fear truth cannot be made to turn their eyes to it. Even so, will you open the door?
'What is your name, child?' said the Librarian.
'I--I don't know, sir.'
He cautiously stepped closer, with the same look of fatherly kindness an ordinary man would have had if I were a baby rabbit. I recognised him as the Magician who showed me the winter fireflies.
'Are you lost?'
I thought for a moment, 'No, sir.' After running away from the book-burners into the forest, I couldn't possibly return, could I--possibly? They have probably already stopped believing in me; I am an impossibility, after all.
'What is it you wish for?'
The Library was filled with books which only existed there (along with the few books existing outside its trunk). There was all of this knowledge they would never know about--all of this knowledge I had never known about. Now that I knew the way to this tree, I could never possibly forget it, given to being lost in the forest as I was. There is no 'road back' anymore.*
'Please, sir,' I began with the immature frailty of a baby rabbit. 'I want to learn everything in this Library.'
The Librarian smiled warmly and gestured for me to follow him. 'I've been waiting for you, my apprentice.'
--
I thought I'd forgotten how to write, but perhaps it was really that words are not quite enough to tell my stories. If not 'to write', what is quite enough? 'To draw'? 'To sing'? 'To read', 'to bake', 'to dream'? To 'play with dolls', 'hold stuffed animals', 'cut, pin, and sew', 'string beads and bend wires'? English? German, Japanese? Spanish, Dutch, Latin, Finnish, Italian, Gaelic? Would even Angelic be quite enough?
The only thing quite enough to tell a story is 'to live'.
(Still, I want to continue to write.)
--
Image is not mine.
*Even now that I've been writing quite a bit since earlier this year, I still have trouble finding just the right words in English. (My thoughts are a mix of English, Japanese, German, pictures, colours, songs, voices, scenes, and tastes.) The sentence I would have liked to write is, 'Kaerimichi wa mō imasen.' 'Kaerimichi' literally means 'returning path/road'; the sentence means 'The returning path is no longer there,' or 'The returning path no longer exists.'
He cautiously stepped closer, with the same look of fatherly kindness an ordinary man would have had if I were a baby rabbit. I recognised him as the Magician who showed me the winter fireflies.
'Are you lost?'
I thought for a moment, 'No, sir.' After running away from the book-burners into the forest, I couldn't possibly return, could I--possibly? They have probably already stopped believing in me; I am an impossibility, after all.
'What is it you wish for?'
The Library was filled with books which only existed there (along with the few books existing outside its trunk). There was all of this knowledge they would never know about--all of this knowledge I had never known about. Now that I knew the way to this tree, I could never possibly forget it, given to being lost in the forest as I was. There is no 'road back' anymore.*
'Please, sir,' I began with the immature frailty of a baby rabbit. 'I want to learn everything in this Library.'
The Librarian smiled warmly and gestured for me to follow him. 'I've been waiting for you, my apprentice.'
--
I thought I'd forgotten how to write, but perhaps it was really that words are not quite enough to tell my stories. If not 'to write', what is quite enough? 'To draw'? 'To sing'? 'To read', 'to bake', 'to dream'? To 'play with dolls', 'hold stuffed animals', 'cut, pin, and sew', 'string beads and bend wires'? English? German, Japanese? Spanish, Dutch, Latin, Finnish, Italian, Gaelic? Would even Angelic be quite enough?
The only thing quite enough to tell a story is 'to live'.
(Still, I want to continue to write.)
--
Image is not mine.
*Even now that I've been writing quite a bit since earlier this year, I still have trouble finding just the right words in English. (My thoughts are a mix of English, Japanese, German, pictures, colours, songs, voices, scenes, and tastes.) The sentence I would have liked to write is, 'Kaerimichi wa mō imasen.' 'Kaerimichi' literally means 'returning path/road'; the sentence means 'The returning path is no longer there,' or 'The returning path no longer exists.'
Oh, Lumina! I've missed you. In fact, I was thinking about you just today! It made me so happy to sign onto blogger and see your lovely story.
ReplyDeleteEven as a speaker of essentially one language, finding the right words can be hard. I cannot imagine how much harder it is with more than one language floating in your head! It's so hard to capture all the beautiful sights and sounds and wonderful things that crowd the world.
"The only thing quite enough to tell a story is 'to live'." That is so profoundly true! Still, I feel I must try to write my stories the best I can, or die in the attempt. :)
I love the idea of the narrator being like a baby rabbit-- that is an image I can relate to. And the ending is so warm... I've reread this story a bunch of times to savor it.
ReplyDeleteIt's been so good to read your words again. Like Melee, I was thinking about when you'd return. <3
Thank you both so much! <3
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say. There are no better words to describe this. I'm just so glad to be reading you again :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm really sorry for not commenting earlier, darling. I have missed you so very much. xx